Kids Are Turds

When do you know for sure that you’ve become a parent? For Jenny Schoberl, it wasn’t when a human fell out of her lady parts or the first time her baby said “Mama.” It was when she found herself, a grown woman, hiding in the bathroom to eat a candy bar, just so she didn’t have to share.Parenthood changes people’s lives in horrifying and inevitable ways. No matter how hard you resist, you soon find yourself being that parent far too often to deny it. It won’t be long before mom jeans and minivans are calling your name.Discussing bowel movements over dinner? Guilty. Peeing with an audience? Check. Grocery shopping alone? Sounds like a tropical vacation! Watching cartoons hours after the kids have gone to bed? Now your only hobby!What do you do when motherhood turns you into someone you hardly recognize? When you open your mouth and, holy hell, your mother comes out?Kids Are Turds proves that you don’t need to be Super-Mom to be a “good” mom (whatever that is), but you absolutely do need a sense of humor to get through the hard days. Either that, or you can give in, yank up your mom jeans, and rock a mile-long camel toe. So for the love of retinas everywhere, be strong!

"I couldn't wait to review this project, and it did not disappoint. I have been a longtime follower of Jenny’s blog and Facebook page and LOVE them! Her real talk approach to parenting makes you feel like you’re not failing to live up to some unrealistic standard. Even with her blunt honesty you can see her deep love for her children throughout the book. It’s a great reminder that we ALL go through times like this, and we’re all doing the best we can. Thank you, Jenny, for bringing humor and creativity to this life we call mommyhood!" –Dawn Recor, blogger of Diary of a Not So Wimpy Mom"Getting shockingly emotional over soup commercials, treating solo grocery-store-trips like tropical vacations, staying up and watching kiddie cartoons hours after her kids have gone to bed…and, of course, compiling a blackmail album for when her boys get old enough to date? Jenny Schoberl’s Kids Are Turds is a ridiculously funny and heartfelt chronicle of what it means to be a mother, and whether falling into parental stereotypes is something to fight—or something to embrace with all your heart." –Dressler Parsons, Student-Tutor.com"If anyone can prove that you’re never too old for bathroom humor, it’s Jenny Schoberl. Lock yourself in the bathroom with Kids Are Turds and laugh away . . . likely while your own kids are being turds!" —Leanne Shirtliffe, author of Don't Lick the Minivan and Mommyfesto"Moms everywhere, rejoice! Kids Are Turds gives you permission to whine into your (much-needed) wine as you flop down in exhaustion after another day of wiping up the unmentionable mess you know will magically reappear tomorrow. Laugh it off, ladies—let Jenny show you how." —Karen Moline, coauthor of the New York Times bestseller, Sh*tty Mom: The Parenting Guide for the Rest of Us, "I couldn't wait to review this project, and it did not disappoint. I have been a longtime follower of Jenny’s blog and Facebook page and LOVE them! Her real talk approach to parenting makes you feel like you’re not failing to live up to some unrealistic standard. Even with her blunt honesty you can see her deep love for her children throughout the book. It’s a great reminder that we ALL go through times like this, and we’re all doing the best we can. Thank you, Jenny, for bringing humor and creativity to this life we call mommyhood!" –Dawn Recor, blogger of Diary of a Not So Wimpy Mom"Getting shockingly emotional over soup commercials, treating solo grocery-store-trips like tropical vacations, staying up and watching kiddie cartoons hours after her kids have gone to bed…and, of course, compiling a blackmail album for when her boys get old enough to date? Jenny Schoberl’s Kids Are Turds is a ridiculously funny and heartfelt chronicle of what it means to be a mother, and whether falling into parental stereotypes is something to fight—or something to embrace with all your heart." –Dressler Parsons, Student-Tutor.com"If anyone can prove that you’re never too old for bathroom humor, it’s Jenny Schoberl. Lock yourself in the bathroom with Kids Are Turds and laugh away . . . likely while your own kids are being turds!" —Leanne Shirtliffe, author of Don't Lick the Minivan and Mommyfesto"Moms everywhere, rejoice! Kids Are Turds gives you permission to whine into your (much-needed) wine as you flop down in exhaustion after another day of wiping up the unmentionable mess you know will magically reappear tomorrow. Laugh it off, ladies—let Jenny show you how." —Karen Moline, coauthor of the New York Times bestseller, Sh*tty Mom: The Parenting Guide for the Rest of Us

Jenny Schoberl is the founder of the popular Facebook community and mommy blog, Holdin’ Holden, a contributing writer to The Newsy Neighbor and Coastal Virginia Magazine, and has been named one of the Top 10 Funniest Moms on the Internet. Jenny spends most of her days chugging coffee, trying to keep up with her two children, Holden and Parker, and desperately hoping she is writing things that will one day embarrass her kids. Jenny resides in Newport News, Virginia.